When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
