You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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