I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
