Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
