Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize