In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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