In America we eat man semen.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
