that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
