I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
