and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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