can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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