i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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