Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
