I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
