So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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