Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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