I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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