he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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