Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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