sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
