seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
