he wants to bone in the snuggie
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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