people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
