She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
