i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
