drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
