I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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