That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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