I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
