you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
