your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
