FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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