Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize