Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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