I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think people are normalizing furries
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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