I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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