I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
