I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
only you would photoshop your dick
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
