Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
