I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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