My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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