you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Randomize
