She is in my trunk
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
