Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
