I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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