We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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