Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
