Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
