remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
