Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
