I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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