I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
