Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
