i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
