Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
