Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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