yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
