i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
