what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
