Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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