My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I smell stomach acid.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
