i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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