I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
