She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
BRING THE BAGELS
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
