I hate your face
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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