Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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