i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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