Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
