Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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