Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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