I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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