Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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