he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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