I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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