Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
