He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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