When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
