i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
