y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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