All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize