You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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