I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize