Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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