so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
