No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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