I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
