You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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