Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize