Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
