bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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