Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize