Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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