Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
