Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
