first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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