my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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