ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize