I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
