I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
