I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
