the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
