that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
