He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
