she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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