the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
