Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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