Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
