then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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