well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
